![]() Small talk? Nahh, lets jump into some thoughts today. Do you sit in your house, knowing that everything is perfectly fine? That you have all you ever need. That your daily life is becoming better and better each day as it comes. Yes recently some crazy stuff has been going on, thinking that life will never get better or that you will be lonely forever. You feel as if you are actually able to breathe, that if 20 pounds was removed off of your chest and you can lay in bed look up at the ceiling, relaxed. Nothing is bugging you in any way. As it feels like nothing can take away the happiness that you are certainly feeling. Suddenly you touch back to reality... Everything seems perfect the way that it is, but something, just something in your stomach is eating your insides. When you come around people there just seems as if something has changed. Everything doesn't seem normal. That there is a thought on your mind that is making you feel as id the current position is out of line. That you are so use to the way something is. It might seem weird or confusing in a way. Not saying change is bad thing, because it most definitely isn't. People in this day of age have to evolve around change. But it can cause some emotional feelings go a bit crazy. It feels as if you can't put words to what you are actually feeling. That everything just seems if it is just floating all over the place, as if you let go of 100 butterflies. You try to just sit and think and work all your thoughts out and just not overthink about this weird change that you can't get use to. But everyday it seems as if everything is falling on top of you and you can't breathe or straighten your thoughts out. You want the best thing to happen. But when you look at the best thing, it just seems as if something will end up falling apart. It feels as if its going to be a lose, lose situation, but you don't like to think about that because you want to make sure that everything will be right. Thats what you can't control I guess. You can look out for yourself and the others around you, but there will always be that one person that will be unsatisfied. These thoughts are being through all together. The frustration and confusion. It just seems as if its unbearable. You know what the resolution is and you know what will make your life happy. But scared to be able to make that decision and actually reflect on it. It might make one party happy, but you know its going to make one of the other parties very unhappy. You hate seeing hurt, but everyone says do what's best for you. Just support the feelings that we are having then! Thank you Logan for this story about the feelings and a little of the confused thoughts that you are having. The feeling and expression that you have with this story. I can understand that you are in a rough spot in life at the moment. But I can promise that if you put your head to the game and focus on all the aspects; you will know which decision will be best dan will be a better outcome for you and to be happy! "Stay Amazing! Stay Beautiful!" Thank you, Evan Barnes
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![]() Hello, it's me, **********. It has been a while. Sorry, I haven't really been social to anyone. I promise I haven't been ignoring you. I wasn't trying to push you away either. Just a lot has been happening lately. Like my life flipped right upside down, like its entered a storm and turned unto Ripley's Believe It or Not! Everyone stepping in line to see the neat and craziest things you have ever seen. But in my case, everyone visiting to see how the storm has destroyed everything. About a two weeks ago I had surgery. I was more worried than anything. Yes, recovery is still a struggle, but I'm getting through. Slowly getting better... at least physically. Through my surgery and recovery (previously right now) I needed someone. Besides family, someone I could lean on and someone that I knew that would be there, well not anymore. I have worn and laid with this jacket mostly every single minute of every day. I might sound crazy, but I didn't have you any longer and I mean I didn't have anyone else to lean on either. Having your jacket their kind of felt like you were there as well. The right comfort to make me feel better. I'm not sure what has been happening. I mean I have stood up, tried to walk, moving life on just like you wanted; just like you said. There is just one thing. For the past month or so, something weird is going on and I'm not sure why. And I believe this is why I turned to your jacket for comfort. Every single night I go to sleep extremely tired. Falling into a deep sleep like a newborn baby, but the twist all happens. I have these crazy dreams. Like you are still here, living a beautiful and enjoyable life together. "How could something so good feel so bad? Thinking about the times that we use to have, I gave you all of me and you stole my heart from me, and now we don't talk and now I never see ya... but I gave you all of me, now your just a memory..." I wake up from these dreams feeling as if you are still laying beside me. I turn over waiting to see your beautiful smile that has always made me feel better. It let me know that everything will be okay. That you will be by my side through anything. It has been months since we broke up. And I still catch myself about to call you after work, because that was our thing; my body was still used to our old habits. I'm not sure why either. It's like at moments you have fully disappeared and then I have these sudden thoughts, just remembering the amazing, great, and fun times that we had together. Waiting to see or hear from you again. Then... I have to remind myself, things are different now. We are living two different lives. I never hear from you and I never see you. Like we never even met. Never had a relationship together. The fun, the crying, the laughter, the fights, everything just like it faded before our eyes. I'm not sure what will happen in the future. We might talk again, we might not. We might date, we might not. I just hope all is well. I am always here for you. I love you... always have, and always will. Thank you for the good times and the bad times. The good times helped make beautiful and great memories. The bad times, it taught me new things about myself and it has helped make myself a better person. So I thank you. I hope to hear or see you soon. ---"Thank you guys for listening to this extremely sweet and loving story that was shared Anonymously. I do wish you the best of lucky. The person you are talking about, they deserve to hear you. You seem like you are truly in love with them and care about them a lot. I'm hoping they see that soon enough. I'm always here to help. Remember you are amazing and a sweet person. "Stay Amazing! Stay Beautiful!" -Evan Barnes Good afternoon everyone!! Its been 5 months since we last talked. I hope you all have been doing well. Things are always changing and a lot of new things are happening. I recently just got a new job and attend college full time and I mean it has been kicking my butt like crazy. I'm trying to get back to writing blogs at least once a week. Anyone that still reads my blog... give me suggestion, maybe a situation that is going on in your life and you want to talk about. Maybe feedback on a situation you are in now. I'm always open to suggestions!
Story TIME..!! One of my good friends Kayla and I were talking about a situation that she is going through currently. Some thoughts have been "planted" in her head and she can't be able to pull the thoughts out. Do you ever have someone stuck in your head? Just as if they tattooed their name in your head. You and that person start to hang out. You start thinking like damn they are cute or pretty. You try to push them out of your head because you know things won't work out. The more you think about it, that person is in your thoughts. You start hanging out with them more to spend time with them, but your feelings are growing. You catch yourself getting closer to them. To a point of kissing them, then it happens. You are catching yourself holding their hand and getting closer to a point of cuddling them. The more and more you think about it, this shouldn't be happening. Things moved so fast! Maybe that person doesn't want anything or you don't want anything yet. You still think about them, even when you know you shouldn't be. When you see them you hug them so tight and never want to let go. You still catch yourself kissing them and being around them. Like they took a gun and tattooed their name in your head. You think about them all the time. The feelings tend to grow and grow. You get jealous over stuff that doesn't even involve you. You want to spend your time with this person, but you want to give them their space. You are trying to figure out how this could be happening or how you can make it stop. You become lost and not knowing what to do. Either see where things can go or move on. Unfortunately sometimes someone does get planted in your head. Like their name is tattooed in you. I hate this feeling myself, but it does happen. You have to try to look at the positive side of the situation. What good things can come out of it, but what negative things can come out of it as well. Which ever weighs more, maybe that is your answer. You have to do what's best for yourself! What will be making yourself happy. Maybe continue liking them and seeing where things can go, is the best decision. Maybe moving on is a better decision. I can't give you, your answers. You have to find that yourself. Remember make sure that you are happy. And you won't get hurt in that situation you choose. Thank you for listening to a situation my friend Kayla is going through! If you have some advice or just a brief comment, comment below. Thank you! "Stay Amazing! Stay Beautiful!" -Evan I hope you all have a great day! I love you guys! Well first of all, yes it has been a few months, I'm sorry that I haven't written much! It's hard when you are busy and running around all the time! Anyone that still reads my blog... give me suggestion that are going on in your life and I can write about them! I'm always open to suggestions! I love you guys and miss you! You can always message me on here and I will love to chat!
To my point... Do you ever feel like you are being excluded or lonely? That the person you want to see, but then your friend goes and hangs out with that person you wanted to hang out with and then you are being ignored by both of them for the time they are together. Like, are you even standing here. Do I matter at all in your life? Well thats how one of my friends is feeling right now. No not towards me... but towards to someone else! Do you feel like you relate to this situation? Then you get upset or jealous about the issue. They might be your friend... or even the woman or man that you are in love with. Then you get anxiety and frustrated about the situation. You try to address it, but you don't want to ruin their friendship. Just the fact that you want to actually be noticed! That you feel like you are sitting in the middle of a room, but everyone is ignoring you! That you put yourself down and then get even more upset and anxious. Sometimes its words that has no words to even express. Well unfortunately I can't give anyone advise about this situation. Its hard to deal with. That fact you are being ignored. Yes you can drop them out of your life, but you still think about it and get upset. The fact of whatever you do... you get jealous or agitated of the thought of it. It makes you sick to your stomach. You try to cover your life of people so you can ignore your thoughts, but they are still there. Like I said. I can't help in any ways of this situation. I hate the thought of it. Because I want to help anyone and everyone that is going through these issues. It is upsetting and something that a lot of people don't understand. Something that you will never find the words for because any type of vocabulary wouldn't have the right words to express how you feel. On that note, I know everyone goes through the same situation that my friend is going through right now. Leave your thoughts and suggestions on this topic! Thank you for listening to my rant or thoughts about this situation! Message by Evan: "Help make "Project Friend" happen! Thank you guys for supporting me for all these years! It means a lot to me and it allows me to continue to take photos and share them with the world! If you would like to donate or just check out the page and join the live chats from time to time go to: 💕Patreon.com/ProjectFriend💕 Each tier of the donations will receive an rewards. They are $5, $20, $35, $50, and $100, but you can donate any amount! You can read more about what perks come with each one! Thank you for supporting me through everything! :)"
We ask for your help to donate money, half of the proceeds will be of help for the photoshoot and the other half will be going to the "Human Rights Campaign." Link: Patreon.com/ProjectFriend About "Project Friend": Evan Barnes' Photography is going to hold the first "Project Friend" photoshoot in the Summer of 2017. It is to aware our fellow family, friends, and community about the the bullying issues that we are involved in. Bullying issues: Race, Sex, Religion, National Origin, Physical Disability, Age, and/or Sexual Orientation. It feels like I've been hiding under a rock for years. Going to school, going out with friends, and just being out in public; hiding all the stuff that is going on in my life or in my head from everyone else around me. When someone asks me if I'm okay, I automatically just respond yea I'm good, because I'm scared of what people will say if I tell them what is really wrong or what is on my mind. I'm scared someone will judge me on how terrible my life has been or the struggles I have had. People don't understand what I have been through, so I tend to keep everything to myself. If I tell you something, you are really lucky to know what is going on. Some things that have been going through my head and some stuff that I have been going through.
Here we are... For everyone out there that doesn't know, about 3-4 years ago, I was admitted to the hospital because I was depressed and tried to hurt myself. My life was out of control and I wasn't sure where to go any longer. I was scared to do anything. Today, some of the sad parts of my life is coming back up. Being scared of what is going to happen next. Hating myself for the mistakes I have made in my life time. Not knowing how to react or deal with a situation. That also comes with a part of my anxiety... I wake up at 3am sometimes just throwing up. Feelings like I'm going to die on the spot. I won't be able to say my last goodbyes to anyone. And it scares me. Not being able to breathe like a normal person. Others might say it is all in your head; yes some of it is, but it is just anxiety and the worry of what will happen. I'm not going into detail of things but a lot has happened in my life, so being worried of what is going to happen to my life, is a normal thing, because some bad crap has happened to me. Love and/or comfort, I love you, but do you know that. Do you see that? Am I the one you want? Is someone else going to take you away from me? The thoughts through my head are real. I have had a crush on someone for a while, yes I have had the opportunity to show my love to this person, but it didn't work out the best. I miss them till this day. I think they see that, but I'm not sure. They have meant so much to me, by being there when I need someone the most, to cry on their shoulder, or just have a hug. I miss it. I might sound stupid for feeling or saying any of this, but this is what my heart is telling me. Every single time I come around this person, but heart goes crazy. Yes sometimes a little calmer then usual, but it still get nervous being around them. When I hug them, as weird as it sounds, the smell of them just makes me go crazy. I fall in love every time! I said more about this feeling in my post called "Is There Somewhere" Check it out. What about my last day?, I'm scared of being lost or not being here in general. Not bing around everyone else or in the fact of being dead. I don't know. Just being locked in a place or being dead scares me. I won't be able to talk to the people I like and love. I won't be able to help the people that need help. I won't be able to continue my Photography business. And I won't be able to make this world a better place for everyone here. So having a restriction on my life to be able to do these things is hard. I wouldn't know what to do and how to deal with myself. I would go crazy. Yes it sounds crazy if I was going crazy of the fact of me being died, but you know this is what my mind thinks of. I love life, as much as it kills me and throws stuff in my face. I like the fact of being alive and being able to run down the street taking photos or hanging out with my friends of the person I'm in love with. It is fun and amazing... until the day, I lose the ability of being able to do these things.. Those are just some things that I'm dealing with. You might not understand it because my mind is crazy and just has these random thoughts about everything... but if you think hard and understand what I'm writing, you might understand the situations I am or have been in. I will be back to write some more. If you have an ideas of some topics let me know! :) I hope all your lives are well, I'm here to listen if you guys need anything. If you have a story you would like to share, please go to the Contact page and write your story. Remember you all are very amazing and I love you all. "Stay Amazing! Stay Amazing!" by Evan Barnes "I'm tryin' not to let it show, that I don't wanna let this go. Is there somewhere you can meet me? 'Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings. And you clutched my brain and eased my ailing. You're writing lines about me; romantic poetry. Your girl's got red in her cheeks, 'cause we're somethin' she can't see. And I try to refrain, but you're stuck in my brain. And all I do is cry and complain because second's not the same." lyrics from "Is There Somewhere" by Halsey You and I had something that was amazing and sweet. Yes it was short, but it meant a lot. Its hard to look now at you, the feelings are still there. I trying to refrain from thinking of you, but you have been stuck in my brain. I'm always afraid someone else will take you away and make you happier than ever. For some reason I just login to social media to see what you are up to because I am curious. I might seem crazy or stupid for doing some of the things I do. I feel like all I'm doing is just failing and pushing you away, when I'm trying to be here for you! I understand that you have things going on in your life.. I just wish I could be there to help in some way. Just like you have been there for me. You held my hand and my knee, kept making sure I was alright and would hug me! You would let me cry in your arms if I needed. I never liked you for your money, cars, house, but I always liked you for you, your personality! The fact that you would take the time out of your day to make sure I was happy and okay. Inviting me over just to hang out, didn't matter what we did even if it was juts being lazy. We would just sit there and make the best out of everything we could. I miss that. I miss you! I hope some day you will see that... :( I'm sorry, but I guess things aren't the same.. (ATTENTION:: THIS STORY IS BY A FRIEND OF MINE, NOT ME!) My friend came to me today with an issue. I thought I would ask for your opinions on this topic. Felecity, she is my age, 17 almost 18, she recently just broke up with this guy named Andrew. They were the cutest ever, but they had some issues with the relationship. He wouldn't let her talk to any of her guy friends. Some of them were older relationships, but the guys she had dated and broke up with didn't work out and decided to be friends with each other instead of dating. He barely wouldn't let her hang out with her girl friends. She loves talking and Skyping her boyfriend, but sometimes it feels too much for her to handle. It's hard to put her feelings into words right now.. The way that she explained it to me is that he is very controlling and just watches over her shoulder and she feel like she can't breathe. She said that she feels like she is in a box, with her boyfriend covering her with a pillow and just can't breathe. Looking at her I can tell that she loves this man very very much!! But she is just scared that she will never be able to be the real her. She wants things to work out but she feels like she isn't able to be or do some of the things she wants. She misses the beginning... I told her, "You know that things aren't always going to be always the same from the beginning..." She said she knows, but she wishes that she could have some of the same values of the relationship from the beginning. She is trying to make some compromises, but she feels that her boyfriend doesn't even realize it and argues with her about it. She said that she is upset and mad at herself because she feels that she is just tearing everything apart. She is scared things won't work, but she does know that she does still love him. She has to stressed these issues to him, but she is worried that he won't actually make those changes that he says he will make. She told me that they have been taking a break for the past few days, but she is so stressed... and kinda feels that maybe friends for right now could be a better option. She doesn't want to lose the friendship she had with him from the beginning... I said maybe that is the best decision right now. You guys can still talk and everything, but maybe you guys just need some time to think and live life and when you guys feel like you are ready to come back, talk and try to work things out to make sure everything goes smoothly.
I hope that I told her the right thing... If you guys have any comments, please make a comment below. Any suggestions? Or advise to tell her, because I know I'm not always the best person for advise. (ATTENTION:: EVERY NAME IN THIS STORY HAS BEEN ALTERED TO HIDE THE IDENTITY OF THE GIRL AND GUY) "Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?" - lyrics from "Firework" by Katy Perry
or "Please have mercy on me, take it easy on my heart, even though you don't mean to hurt me, you keep tearing me apart, would you please have mercy on me, I'm a puppet on your string, and even though you got good intentions, I need you to set me free, Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart" -lyrics from "Mercy" by Shawn Mendes Sometimes does it feel like no one listens to you and just keeps going on, talking, walking away, or just yelling at you? Do you ever feel the need to sit in the corner and just cry. Well some people feel that way, and I can it hurts them. It sucks. They are tired, they are frustrated and just don't know what to do anymore. They are scared and don't know hoe to handle or react to something. They wake up in the night feel sick because of all the anxiety they have. Rusting to the bathroom because they are about to puke everywhere. Seems like they can't just step out of the way for a second and just breathe, trying to catch their breathe... they are just pushed under the water even more, losing their ability to ever some back up. They go through the day scared and don't know how to react to even the simple things that are going on in there life. It tears them up and can send them into a shock that is unbearable! Do you ever think about them? What they have gone through? What she or he feels? Maybe step back and listen to her! Keep you head Kayla!! I'm here. We love you very much!! I'm sorry. That you are going through this. I hope one day that person will understand they way you feel! I thought that this was normal;
that everyone though this way. That I wasn't the only one. I couldn't be the only one, right? Right? The sad truth was, I was the only one who thought that way, That I was useless, I was worthless, Invisible. Wow things have changed. You use to be like my best friend. Someone that knew me so well. Someone that use to be up in my business all the time. The person that would always be there for me and walk around the halls and laugh with me. You use to be that friend that I could go to and just say anything and you wouldn't care. You use to be that friend that ALWAYS had my back no matter what happened. You and I went through a rough life... we didn't like that person for it. I'm not a person to judge, but you now have shut me out. Like I'm no one to you anymore. It's been almost a year sense you have talked to me and told me anything that has been going on with your life. The person that you and I use to despise... you literally forgot all the pain they caused us! You are blind to see that the only reason why they still talk and be all nice to you is because you are the one that is talking and contacting them. I bet if one day you waited till he texted or called... then you would be waiting for years like me. But I've tried to help and show you how he has hurt us and how much I care for you and want you to be happy, but you kinda drop me for the person that ruined our lives.... I'm sorry... I love you.. But if you want to be like that... not even clam me as your "family" then, that is your problem not mine anymore! I'm sorry but I have tried...
Being a cashier and a photographer, I'm usually making others smile and happy. I lighten their days up and they go out and continue their day with that smile on their face. I love making my customers happy and being their for them. For instance, one customer didn't have enough to pay for their meal today, I told them to not worry about, pulling my wallet out of my pocket and helping the lady out with paying her meal. It didn't matter how much it was, it was the fact I was making her day and making sure she has something to eat.
One incident happened today, well I've been stressed with test, work, my life, and etc. I just haven't been feeling good either. When I'm at work I try my hardest to not show that I hurt on the inside. One lady today say the inside... I didn't mean to show her or anything. She looked at me and told me it's going to be alright no matter what it is. She turned around pulled about a hand full of small candy canes out of her purse and said here, I want you to have these. It wasn't the fact of what the items were, it was the fact of what she said and how she said it. I continued to serve her, before she left, she said, You are loved and you are an amazing guy, Merry Christmas Evan. (She read my name of the recipe) I almost busted into tears because of that. Like I said, I use to helping others out and making them smile and laugh. But today, someone helped me out and made me smile. I'm not sure what your name was lady, but thank you! We need more people in this world like that wonderful lady. Keep in mind, the people that are most happy, might be keeping something inside... plus it doesn't hurt to actually be nice to someone! "Stay Amazing! Stay Beautiful!"-Evan Barnes HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!
Dang a lot has changed in just one year. I have made new friends, learned more, exceeded more in my photography business, and many other things. A lot can happen in one year, but a lot can happen even in one day, or even one second! As much as I might hate some stuff from my past and the mistakes that I have made and will make, I am still glad they did happen. I have learned a lot from them. Love is everything, but life isn't. Yes I know you have to have life to love, but you have to have love to live life. As much as so many people might bug you or truly hurt you, you deep down still love them as a human! From the people that know me, I am a very nice person and I care a WHOLE LOT about everyone in this world. I don't want ANYONE to feel like they aren't welcome. I wouldn't care if you were black, purple, blue, Asian, Muslim, Jewish, white, fat, ugly, short, tall, etc. You are STILL HUMAN!! We all still have the same feelings on the inside, and that is what matters!!! We shouldn't be worried about the politics around us because here, we are all the same, and we are all fighting to be accepted in this world. Give thanks to everything in your life because if it didn't happen, maybe you wouldn't be here now, or something bad could have happened. You are here now though! You all are great and very beautiful in your own way! A quote that I have written a little while ago: "Stay Amazing! Stay Beautiful!" -Evan Barnes To some special people I want to give thanks for: Thank you for the months or years I have been with you guys. You all have been by my side through everything, maybe some more than others, but you all have helped me at some point in this world. I love you guys a lot. Smile! Life is short guys, and it is a rough road... I would know xD. You know I'm always here for every single one of you guys. That means calling me at 3 or 4 am. As much as I love sleeping, I would rather have a friend that is smiling and in a great mood then waking up and my friend being torn all to heck! Also thank you guys for actually dealing with my crap! I wouldn't been able to do it without you guys. You all are very amazing and very beautiful! I'm glad to have you all in my life! Once again THANK YOU!!! Ian Wyatt Tayler McPhail Alec Ocasio Melissa Spicer Mack Day Nathaniel Calvin Allen Jacob Hopkins Lisa Bevil Zack Howell Hairaj Kandii Allison Page Perkins Katelynn Watkins Shawna Tyree AND MANY MORE OF YOU!!! (Sorry can't tag everyone) "Its the fact that you all don't understand... I worry, I get scared, I have anxiety attacks.. I don't know what to do. I'm lost from the road I was traveling, yes sometimes its alright to travel in a different direction, but right now NO!! I keep looking around in the deep fog to find the road I should be traveling on. My heart races and I just feel like crying at moments... All I want is to smile and be happy for once... I can express these emotions as much as I might want to... but you will never understand the pain I am going though. The regret I feel everyday. I'm sorry for all the things I have done!! EVERYTHING!!! I might not regret it sometimes, but for messing up so much, I most DEFINITELY REGRET IT!! I'm sorry.. I just wish you would be able to hear me and actually understand. But I know that you will never see eye to eye and probably hate me forever! Just remember that I love you, and I always will!!"
By: Anonymous User "Do you even miss us? Your bottle's your mistress. I need to know, I need to know Why are you walking away? Was it something xxx I did? did I make a mistake? Cause I'm trying to deal with the pain. I don't understand this, is this how it is? I will try to understand." What you never see is that I try to understand. I try to be here and do what I can to make things work. I fight tooth and nail to be make everyone and also myself happy. I just feels like I can't do neither anymore! The think is, DO YOU EVEN MISS US? or was it just a one time thing? Fighting for something you like or love is still a thing right? If not, then why am I doing it with you... You make my feelings confused; they don't know where to go or how to react to anything anymore! They want this, they want that, but what do they really want? I want you to be happy! To have the time of your life, but what about mine too, will I be able to be happy ever? Do you care that I cry every night... do you care that I am depressed not because you left, but because life in general... If it is over and done with, let me know instead of throwing me under a bus and running me over and over a million times! I do understand remember! I have been through the same things; you just have to trust me in something, instead of thinking everyone is after you!!
(This is not optically focusing on my issues or someone else's. It is about the situation and feelings that some of you might have towards someone) "Does she have any humor?
“If my love were an ocean, Do you ever have those feeling, but there isn't any words to describe them? Like everything inside you has just shattered. You don't have any feeling. It is like a neutral feeling. Like someone could say anything to you, and it still won't effect you at all. It feels like you are upset or sad in a way too. Just one little thing could tear you down. The question is.. Why? or When will this feeling go away? Honestly I never have an answer for it. I'm sorry. A way for me to feel better is to talk to the person you like or you are comfortable around. They somehow know how to make you smile, even the times you really don't want to.
Just a little poem (1): The darkness surrounds me It's getting so cold I'm all alone With no one to hold My world is so empty All what's left is pain No sunshine to light my way Just never ending rain I drown in tears My heart is crying No one seems to notice My soul is dying Just a little poem (2): The day I saw you My heart got smitten The day we met My soul got sweetly bitten The day I hugged you My head felt blissfully dizzy Baby I desperately hope that You feel the same for me. Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you,
Scared of these feelings because it's still new I catch myself thinking of the best way to share, Hoping you'll return my confession showing you care And then I catch myself again... and drag my thoughts back to reality I am back at square one, does this just happen to me? Poems are so stupid I swear I would never do this But this is YOU, and you aren't like anyone I have met How much longer do I have to write, can I tell you yet? When I come back from my thoughts I feel more secure But then I sleep... and the dreams of you occur The dreams I have of you are so vivid and clear I feel TRUE happiness inside and that there is nothing to fear People say dreams have underlying meanings and not to ignore them I say we both know what they mean and now I want you to hear Hear what I am about to say to you, feel it with my body, see it in my face Hear it in my words and tone when we converse I love you! I love you more than I ever thought I could Be with me always and be loved like you should Inside, what do you feel? Does it feel like you try too much? Do you feel like you are just being ripped apart in a million pieces? Do you continue to keep trying, or do you just give up? Questions... they are always in my head. Everyone asks me what are you going to do, or how do you feel about something, but I don't have an answer for it all. Is this normal? Am I suppose to know everything, or am I suppose to be clueless?
I feel like you don't see it or understand it. It means a lot to me, and sometimes I feel like it doesn't as much to you. I might be overthinking things, but I want this one to be right. I care so much about it. I want things to be perfect. You say you want the same, but do you? So you say these things to make me happy? I really hope you aren't doing that. I know I'm not the best thing in the world and I probably do deserve some of the stuff in my life. I do regret it all, and I'm so sorry for the things I caused. I just hope you never look at me as a mistake. I hope you think of this as a good thing. I hope you want the same; you want this to be perfect. (Just a little on my mind. Not to anyone specific: labels don't have names)
You were dancing in your tube socks in our hotel room, Flashing those eyes like highway signs. Light one up and hand it over, rest your head upon my shoulder. I just wanna feel your lips against my skin. White sheets, bright lights, crooked teeth, and the night life. You told me this is right where it begins. But your lips hang heavy underneath me. And I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me. I'm trying not to let it show, that I don't want to let this go. Is there somewhere you can meet me? 'Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings. And you clutched my brain and eased my ailing. You're writing lines about me; romantic poetry. Your girl's got red in her cheeks, 'cause we're something she can't see. And I try to refrain but you're stuck in my brain. And all I do is cry and complain because second's not the same. I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight. I didn't mean to fall in love tonight. You're looking like you fell in love tonight. Could we pretend that we're in love? I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight. I didn't mean to fall in love tonight. You're looking like you fell in love tonight. Could we pretend that we're in love? To: JEC. I'm sorry... "These are the tiny humans. These are children. They believe in magic, they play pretend. There is fairy dust in their IV bags. They hope, and they cross their fingers, and they make wishes, and that makes them more resilient than adults. They recover faster, survive worse. They Believe" "We do our very best but sometimes it's just not good enough. We buckle our seat belts, we wear a helmet, we stick to the lighted paths. We try to be safe. We try so hard to protect ourselves but it doesn't make a damn bit of difference cause, they come out of nowhere. The bad things come suddenly with no warning but we forgot, that sometimes that's how the good things come too" |
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Author of the HeavenAuthor:
Evan (me). I am the Author of this Heaven. I write about events, feelings, my photography, and well everything that happens in my life here. I hope you enjoy my writing. Any question or anything please message me on the contact page. Archives
February 2018
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